Just over twenty four hours ago, we said one of the hardest goodbye's I have ever had to say to the sweetest, smartest and most amazing dog. I didn't think I was going to write about it for a few days until all the tear had subsided and the feelings of pure emotional exhaustion had worn off some. However, I want to remember these feelings and I want Carter and Addie to be able to look back at this entry and remember the love they had for this pup.
I may do some entries in parts over the next week because already the desk in front of me is covered in tears. I don't think I have cried this hard or this often in years. I sent our close friends and family an email last night with the news and without thinking, their heartfelt and supportive emails that have steadily come in over the last day have reminded me every hour how amazing Maverick was and resulted in tears being shed every hour today.
These pictures were taken just an hour before Maverick's pain was finally taken away from him after suffering four months from the excruciating pain that multiple tumors on his liver and spleen had caused him.
As I had updated in my email, the children have been okay last night and today, Carter only breaking down when he sees us crying. Addie, Maverick's number one fan, really seems to be at peace and truly understands that Maverick is in Heaven with his mommy and daddy and of course, Jesus.
A cute story from last night when I layed next to Carter in his bed.Me: "Ahhhh.... what a sad, sad day... at least the best news is Mav isn't in pain any longer."
Carter: "Is Mav at Uncle Herb's clinic so he can feel better?"
Me: "No baby, he is in Heaven."
Carter (suddenly sitting up in bed): What mom?! How did Uncle Herb already get him all the way to Heaven???? That was fast!
My sweet sister Erin, who loved Maverick as much as the four of us, was with him till the very end. Today, she told me, that she held his face in her arms and kissed him the entire time and kept repeating to him what a good, good dog he was, over and over again. As devastating as this was for her, she was confident that he was at peace and ready to go. Maverick LOVED Erin like no one else. He turned into a puppy every single time he saw her until the last few months. I couldn't have asked for a better person to be with him and thank her from the bottom of our broken hearts for being strong enough to do it for all of us and most importantly him.
Waking up this first morning at 6AM and realizing that this was the first time since we owned this home that his dog bed would be there empty at the foot of our bed, was beyond difficult. I wonder how many weeks or months it will be before I can walk by that area and not think it is strange not to see him there? Right now it seems impossible...
Blake and I used to make jokes about the different ways that Maverick and Smokey drank from their water bowl in our bathroom. This morning when I heard Smokey taking his long and slow gulps, I started tearing up thinking of the fact that I will never again hear the fast pased slaps of the water that were Maverick's signature sound. It's the little things that are killing me today, as crazy it may sound.
After crying for hours before, we put on our happy faces to capture the very last picture of our complete family.
But then it was time to say goodbye.
For real and it was hard. On us all. And it still is even now.
I just keep reminding myself every hour that he is in a much better place and out of pain.